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[Tuesday, April 29th 2014 at 1:48am]
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FAQ [Thursday, October 30th 2014 at 1:40am]

Okay I'm aware this is fucking stupid but I really get way too many repeated questions because people are either too lazy to scroll or the answers are buried underneath hundreds of others, so here goes! Will update this accordingly.

1. How old are you?
I was born on 21 February 1991, so as of 2014, I'm 23.

2. Where are you studying/where have you studied?
I went to primary school at CHIJ Kellock, secondary school at Crescent Girls' School, JC for a year at St Andrew's Junior College, then I did Mass Communication at Ngee Ann Poly, before coming here to the UK to study philosophy at Durham University.

3. Why did you leave JC?
I didn't feel that what I was studying was relevant to what I wanted to do in the future (marketing/PR), so I left to do mass comm.

4. Why theguiltshow?
Guilt Show is an album by The Get Up Kids. I really liked them when I was 14, still do.

5. What is your Instagram/Twitter/YouTube/tumblr/whatever else?
Everything is theguiltshow except for YouTube: sophisticatedsavage.

6. How tall/heavy are you?
1.7m, 52-55kg on average (I think, haven't weighed myself in a while).

7. What is your sexual orientation?
I am a full on lesbian. I don't find guys attractive.

8. What is your clothing/shoe/bra size?
UK 8 for clothes, US9/euro 40 for shoes and 34D/32DD/34DD, depending on weight fluctuations/lingerie brand/cut.

9. Do you have any siblings?
I have a sister who is three years younger than I am.

10. *insert question asking something along the lines of I am confused am I gay or straight I like looking at pretty girls blah blah*
Take it easy, no one is forcing you to choose a label. You never have to if you don't want to or if you can't figure it out. Just go with the flow and do what makes you happy or what feels good, as long as you're not hurting anybody. Stop stressing out, it's not a big deal.

11. Are you a virgin?
L O L. Virginity is a social construct which I do not subscribe to.

12. *insert question seeking advice re: anything to do with love, friends, etc*
I am the world's worst person to go to for advice right now because I really have no patience for emotions of any sort. My advice to you will always be: just don't give a fuck, it's easy. Just do what makes you happy. Life's too short to give a shit. Stop worrying. It's your life, live it the way you want to. I don't really understand or have the patience for anyone who can't feel the same way so if you don't or can't feel this way, I'm really not someone you should be going to for advice.


Your Hand In Mine (Goodbye) [Friday, October 10th 2014 at 6:41pm]
It's a beautiful day and all I can think about when I look outside is how your arms used to provide the warm embrace I now get from only the sun.

I feel myself forgetting you; I feel your light going out like a cloud covering the sun.

I don't want to forget. I'm grasping at the memories, desperately trying to remember what you smelled like, what you felt like as you stirred in your sleep, your body pressed up against mine, what warmth your eyes held as you looked into mine. I'm desperately trying to remember what love was like for me. Because it was love. Real and true.

I have typed and deleted sentence after sentence, trying to define what love was exactly. All I can come up with is that love was you and me. Love was the light in your eyes, the music in your laughter. I have almost forgotten what it was like with you. I can't forget. If I do, I will truly no longer know love. My heart has become incapable of feeling or giving love. Do I even have a heart? Sometimes I put my hand to my chest and heave a sigh of relief as I feel the steady beat of my (dare I say it?) heart.

I am happy enough knowing that what we had was real. I am happy knowing that we wrote such an amazing chapter together, and I can only hope that my chapter in your book will be bookmarked, dogeared, as yours will be in mine; revisited and reread until the pages wear out like those in an old book.

It's the 10th of October and today would have been our fourth year. How things have changed. I am very happy now, not any more or less than when I was with you, just a very different kind of happy. I really like where I am. I know you are very happy too, and that is how I know leaving us behind was the right thing to do. I have grown so much as a person, and I have found my own way and my own happiness, all by myself. Perhaps the only thing that (ironically) bugs me is the almost complete inability to care about anything anymore. Maybe that's a good thing, since I feel nothing but happiness.

I gave you my all. I hope you know that if you had never left, I would have never put our light out. I would have never given you up for anything or anyone, and I would have chosen you, over anyone and anything, every single time. I was sure to tell you every single day how much I loved you, I made sure of that. Maybe somewhere inside me I knew this would end someday, and I had hoped that you would walk away knowing that. I loved you with everything that I had, and I can say with all my heart that I am content; I have no regrets.

The sun is setting and rain is falling. It's still a beautiful day. This time when the sun dips below the horizon, it will take with it all the light you've ever given me. I write this not with a heavy heart, nor with a deep longing for the past. I write this with simple gratitude. It's been over two months and not once have I let my emotions show; not once did I tell you how I felt. These are the first words I've written for you to read since you left, and these are the last words I will ever write about you. This is the last page. This is my closure.

Four years ago you told me to take a leap of faith with you, and I am infinitely grateful that I did. Thank you.


Ex(amination/haustion) [Wednesday, May 21st 2014 at 8:18pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]

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The weather has been hovering around 20 degrees lately, beautiful but actually hot. Thank goodness I bought a fan on Amazon a while back. I was starting to think that I wouldn't have any use for it because it was still chilly (under 15 degrees), but in the last week the weather has really turned. Loving the sun, though. People have actually been sitting outdoors and studying in the sun. That's all so new to me because in Singapore, the only reason you'd be out in the sun STUDYING is because your mind is no more. Had my first paper yesterday, it went okay. One down, four more to go! After they're over, I still have a 4000 word essay to hand in, so... ACK I can't wait for freedom.

Wish me luck! 
1 comment

Migraine curing revision music [Saturday, May 17th 2014 at 11:59pm]


Productivity at an all time (s)low [Saturday, May 17th 2014 at 7:46am]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

My exams are in four days and I feel like I barely know anything about my modules. Kind of sort of really panicking now. I've been studying but it hasn't been the hyper-focused, efficient kind of studying I know myself to be capable of. Maybe it's because I study on my bed...

Just placed an order for bikinis on ASOS. I am so excited for New York and Orlando in summer. I've never been to America nor had any real desire to, but after talking about it and planning the itinerary (especially for Orlando - Universal/Magic Kingdom/Wet 'n' Wild!) I became so psyched. Tickets have already been booked!

I've also been thinking about friendships and just life in general. I feel like my friendships back when I was a teenager were more... Authentic. I'm not in any way implying that I'm friends with fake and superficial people (because I'm not) but I definitely shared more of myself back then. I also feel like people shared a lot more with me. I feel like I hardly know anyone, but when I really think about it, I don't think anyone really knows me either. I realise I share so much less of what I feel, what's going on in my life, what I'm doing, etc. I remember being in Crescent and going to school all excited every day because I had something really important to tell my friends. Being in the same class sure helped, I guess. A few months ago I decided to play a more active part in my friendships and talk to my loved ones more (seeing as how I have a tendency to not reply texts and worse - withdraw into myself for days) but I don't know if that's making a difference. I think I've a better word for my friendships in the past: emotional. I cared more, I shared more, cried more, said more, needed more, gave more. Maybe it's just me growing up. Or becoming emotionless. Or more independent? I'm not sure what it is but I do know that tonight I miss my past and I can't wait to go back in Singapore in July and be reunited with everyone I love and miss.

Alright, back to Hume. Signing off now (how my mom ends her texts).


So I'm sure everyone has already seen this, [Friday, May 2nd 2014 at 8:43pm]

...but have you seen these?
(pay attention to video titles)

I'm dying k bye back to trying to do my essay

Where the fun ain't got no end [Tuesday, April 29th 2014 at 1:38am]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

So the question is: what's been happening in my life lately? To be honest, I haven't felt much motivation to blog for a while now, feel like I might abandon this space altogether... And yet I am hesitant to do so, because I've had this Livejournal since 2006, and it's got all of my favourite memories, both happy and sad, in it. I will persevere.

In a way not much has happened, and yet it would seem that I would have a lot to say since moving to England; it being such a big change in my life. Perhaps I should first blog about my trip back home recently.

Easter break

Came back from a three week trip back to Singapore two weeks ago. It's always good to be home. Before I left Singapore and moved here, I was so excited to leave the place I had grown up in and gotten bored of. A year ago, I would have died for the chance to leave boring, stuffy, hot Singapore to go anywhere and do anything a plane ride away. I'm not regretting my decision to study overseas at all, but it has given me a new appreciation and love for my home country. I mean, where else can you go out at 3am and have a nice steaming hot bowl of bak kut teh? All the shops here close at 5pm and god forbid I find any bak kut teh. The lack of food's actually been the hardest part of living abroad. Anyway my trip back this time was a surprise one, only my sister knew I was going back. I just snuck into my house with my suitcase and surprised my parents. My mom said she knew something was up. I guess moms really do know best! Their reactions were so cute and heartwarming. I've missed them in all their occasional parent annoying-ness. Finally got to cuddle my beloved Omelette again. I have plans to maybe move out to a place of my own when I go back to Singapore (if I go back), I can't wait to take him along with me.

Spent my three weeks meeting up with friends (although not as many and as often as I would have liked), clubbing, drinking, EATING, sleeping, eating... God I got so fat. I ballooned in the first week I got back. My favourite part of this trip was not telling anyone I was coming back and then surprising them one by one. Their reactions were gold.

Surprised my parents first, then Evia, by getting Grace to ask her to come down from her office to collect something I passed to her. She jumped back and refused to hug me. GREAT FRIEND. Then Del, who came later. Next was Nicole, at Tantric. She yelled and yelled and asked me what I was doing there. And then that night I posted pictures on Instagram so the big secret was out hahaha loved the shocked texts. Maybe I should come back secretly all the time!

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Can't wait to be home again in about three months. Thank goodness time flies x

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